India's Premier Lifestyle Destination For Men.

LIFESTYLE

You Did Not Just Say That!

A couple having an argument

Highlight

Don’t resort to these low blows during an argument (or ever)

A A A tT

People argue. The lockdown has probably seen a rise in trouble in relationships. As it is, things are bound to get heated (not in a good way) at some point in time even between the most sorted or happiest of couples! Difference of opinion, when dealt with sensibly is healthy for long-lasting partnerships.  However, words have the power to soothe and to inflict pain in equal measure, and some can’t ever be taken back. They won’t be forgotten, too. So, the next time you get into an argument with your partner, these are the things you should avoid like the plague….

1. “YOU’RE SUCH A B****!”
Rage can be blinding. It can make you forget what it is to be a decent human being. Name calling is something most people tend to resort to when they’re livid and want to make the other person mad. In reality, nothing constructive comes out of name-calling or using any type of degrading or derogatory language. In fact, it may make matters worse—your partner may resort to the same to counterattack. This will have long-term damaging effects on relationships and cause you to feel guilty on top of the negative emotions you already feel. Instead, try to focus on the specific issue or how the person’s actions made you feel, and address that rather than attacking the person.

2. “IS IT THAT TIME OF THE MONTH AGAIN?”
This implies that the upset person has no grounds for being upset with the situation. In most instances, this will only throw gasoline onto the fire. “I once asked this to my GF despite knowing it wasn’t anywhere close to her monthly cycle just in order to get out of the argument. She promptly threw me out of her house, and it took me a week to 10 days for her to accept my apology,” reveals 29-year-old Tanmay Iyer. Listen and try to understand and and NOT tell the other person that they’re off-the-wall ridiculous or overreacting. Also, to paraphrase Rachel from Friends: ‘No uterus. No comments’—because as a guy, you can’t even probably begin to understand it! A better move is to ask, ‘Why are you so upset by this?’

3. “YOU’RE JUST ACTING LIKE YOUR MOTHER….”
Or father, crazy best friend or drunk uncle, and so on. This move dismisses whatever issue is on the table and goes straight for character assassination. The strategy here: If you’re losing the argument, kill your opponent. Plus, involves the family, and it can be a touchy issue to most. Trust us, there is no going back from this.

4. “I’LL TALK TO YOU WHEN YOU CAN BE RATIONAL!”
This is hardly a rational statement. It’s meant to strictly inflict emotional injury. Instead, ask for a timeout. When arguments get heated, a timeout to let the cortisol and adrenaline settle (for about 20 minutes) is a good idea. 

5. “YOU’RE ALWAYS SO LAZY.”
This a no-brainer. If you have the b**** to say this to a woman, you must either want to be alone for the rest of your life, or really enjoy the sound of her voice screaming at the top of her lungs at you! The problem arises when complaining turns into criticising. When you find yourself generalising that your partner ‘always’ or ‘never’ does something, you are criticising—and you’ll never find a solution with it.

6. SAYING NOTHING AT ALL!
Stonewalling can be a dealbreaker. Stonewalling is not so much about what you do, but what you don’t do. When you sit in stony silence or utter single word answers, you are disengaging from an interaction. This happens in response to feeling overwhelmed by your partner’s strong negativity. Studies show that men tend to stonewall more than women during arguments. This is disrespectful and comes off as you don’t give a damn. 

So, make mental notes! 

 

[Image Credit: Shutterstock]

Eva Pavithran

Vertical Head - Lifestyle

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE